I Will Be Strong
by Gindokei
Summary: You're dead, but I will still go on. Random sad drabbles on my favourite pairings, minus one. Character death in every chapter - you've been warned. T for death. Be wary of faint OOCness at times. Number seven - Winry to Edward.
1. Kagome to InuYasha

_I Will Be Strong_

**AN: This one was written because I've kind of gotten tired of reading fics in which X dies and Y commits suicide after elaborating on how much his/her death affected her/him. I'm sure other people have written something like this, too, but eh... thinking of doing it with all my favourite couples. What do you say?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**InuYasha**_**. All characters belong to Ms. Rumiko Takahashi.**

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**I didn't want to believe you were dead.

Even when I held your head in my arms, even when I heard your strained pants cease, I didn't believe it. Denial was inevitable. How could I possibly grasp the fact that my pillar of strength was gone? My protector, my saviour, my friend, my love. You were everything to me.

You still are.

It was horrific, though. Feeling your blood-matted hair against my skin – the stickiness of the blood remained with me days after I'd washed all traces of it away. How I'd loved your hair. So pristine and white – and, of course, they complemented your best features. Your ears.

It was strange... while you were lying in my lap, taking your last breaths, for a few moments, I only wanted to stroke your ears. You'd never let me do that, and I wanted to. For a minute, I forgot that you were dying.

That minute didn't last long enough.

I think about you every day. How happy you would have been to see Sango and Miroku's blossoming family. How happy you would have been to know that Kikyo moved back to the village to share priestess duties with her younger-yet-older sister. How happy you would have been that I stayed.

When Kikyo died – her souls just ran out, and her soul stealers were no more – it was agony. I never thought I would mourn her so badly. Hadn't I always been jealous of her? But it was like losing one more part of my memories of you. Kikyo and I both loved you so much, and to lose her... it was like losing a part of myself. It _was_ losing a part of myself.

I cried that night, and many nights after that.

When you died, I thought of joining you. After all, we'd defeated Naraku – someone else would make a wish on the jewel, or keep it safe. It was no longer my responsibility, that was what I thought. I wanted to be with you always – I promised – and I couldn't stand the thought of living without you.

But then I thought, why should I do such a cowardly thing? I don't need to be weak and succumb to fear. Living without you is hard – I knew it would be – but not impossible. It seemed impossible at first. But I have made it.

Are you proud of me? Are you glad I didn't give up? Or are you upset that I chose not to remain by your side any longer?

No, not possible.

I've taken the first step, I think, towards inner strength. I hope one day to be as strong as you were.

I love you, InuYasha.

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**AN: 449 words. Major twisting with the canon plotline. I actually like this idea. If I continued, it'd be something like this:**

**Kagome over InuYasha's death(this one)**

**InuYasha over Kagome' death**

**Winry over Edward's death and vice-versa**

**Maybe Serena over Darien's death and vice-versa... I'd try a Jaden/Alexis or a Mikan/Natsume, but I'm not sure how those would come out...**


	2. Edward to Winry

_I Will Be Strong_

**AN: I'm glad you guys liked the first chapter. I know it was depressing – sorry about that! These pieces will most probably be quite depressing, though.**

**I'm mixing them up, so this one is Edward mourning Winry.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Fullmetal Alchemist**_**; all characters belong to Ms. Hiromu Arakawa.**

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**You know what annoys the hell out of me? The way the woman is always expected to bow down for the man. The way the woman is supposed to stop living when the man does. In the olden days, women used to go as far as to burn themselves on their husbands' funeral pyre in some places. Why?

Why is it that the woman always has to grieve?

I don't want to think about this right now. I don't want to think about you in pain, grieving – your blue eyes hazy with anger and sadness. I detest the sight of you being pale and cold – but the opposite, the opposite is even worse.

I should have died instead of you.

I'm supposed to protect you. You gave me support, and I was supposed to give you strength in return. In that one split-second, I undid everything I'd striven for.

You are such an idiot, Winry Rockbell.

Why didn't you understand? Why didn't you _flee_? Most importantly, why did you come to Central?

I never thought of you as a truly stupid person. Sure, we'd both thrown around words, but I'd never called you _stupid_ – or if I had, I didn't mean it. You were the smartest girl I'd ever known. Smart, but emotional, sentimental. That was your undoing.

I can't believe myself. I'm dissecting your death like a scientist, like an _alchemist_, when I should still be in a state of mindless shock. Or, even better, by your side.

I've never wanted to die, Winry. You know that. Al and me, we always manage to cling onto life, no matter how unlikely our situation seems. But when I saw you – when I saw you in the doorway, and saw the Fuhrer – no, Wrath – turn to you, I died inside. I knew we had made a mistake.

I should have told you. I should have.

Why did you come, Winry? I'll never know. Why did you leave the shelter of Resembool and venture out to Central, when I _told_ you how dangerous it would be? I told you to leave the country, goddamn it! Not to come prancing into the middle of this mess!

God, I miss you. I miss you so much.

We did it, though. Al has his body back. Miraculously, I have my limbs back, too. Granny can't make any more money out of me.

I'm glad I got my arm and leg back, Winry. I'm glad no one else will ever touch your precious auto-mail ever again.

I didn't... I didn't even get to pay my respects. To bury you, or to cremate you, or whatever I should have done. As soon as Wrath was done with you, he almost killed Al, too. We had to escape.

Your body must have rotted already. I'm so sorry.

I'm so, so sorry.

I wanted to die then, Winry. I wanted to throw it all away and just _run_. Run until I reached you.

It was stupid of me. Selfish, too. I'd completely forgotten about Al. If it hadn't been for him, I probably would have done just that. I would've seen you again.

What do I regret more?

I know you want me to be strong. You've always depended on me to keep it together. Well, I'm not dead yet. Won't be for a long time, I hope. But I almost wish I'd given into the weakness. Sometimes, I lie awake and wonder if I'd have the courage to take my own life.

Or the foolishness.

I'll go on. I'll live. For everyone who needs me, but most importantly, for you.

Always for you.

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**AN: D: I actually liked this more than the previous one. Not sure why. By the way, this is manga-verse, not anime. (: **

**605 words.**

**I actually loved the opening of this piece...**


	3. Alexis to Jaden

_I Will Be Strong_

**AN: Alexis to Jaden this time.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Yu-Gi-Oh! GX**_**. Can'****t remember who does, sorry.**

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**I've been angry at you plenty of times.

You're a reckless, impulsive person – you never take care of yourself. Of course I'd get angry at you.

I've hated you once, too. When we were in Dark World – and you dueled Brron, without a thought towards our safety – oh, how angry I was! And when… when we… it _hurt_, Jaden. Being sent to the stars hurt. And that time we spent…

That's not important, though. I may have been angry at you – I may have even hated you once – but I never – not once did I wish you were dead.

That didn't help, did it?

What horrifies me the most was that you were at Duel Academy when it happened. The academy was supposed to be _safe_ – it was supposed to be the one place where nothing could hurt us. If a full-grown adult was struck down so easily, how will the children there survive?

Then again, Duel Academy has never been safe, not really. Every year we were there, we were in danger… but we were _together_. When you went there, and you didn't come back… you didn't come back…

I want to stop. Truly, I do. I don't want to cry when I write this, because I don't want you to think of my tears. I want you to be happy.

But you need to know.

When did I first figure out that my feelings for you were more than just friendship? I don't know. I really don't. The change was so subtle, that all I can ever remember is loving you.

They haven't found the man who killed you yet. It frightens me that he is still loose, but makes me furious at the same time. He does not deserve to live, not when he struck you down so cruelly.

You were only twenty, Jaden!

There were so many things you still had to do… so many things I wanted to tell you… and now I will never get the chance.

I want to be strong for you. I want to be the Alexis you've always known – passionate, hard working, the model student, the ideal person. But I'm not perfect. I'm flawed, Jaden, so terribly flawed.

Surely, someone perfect would not miss someone else with the intensity I miss you? They would not allow a loss to hinder their path in life. They would not spend months in the darkness of their secluded room, wishing the world away.

When your life ended, my strength shattered. My world warped. I couldn't keep it all together.

I wanted to die.

I burn with shame when I think of my weakness, but I cannot bring myself to hate my flaw completely. I can still empathize with the broken person I was then, because she hasn't disappeared. She's still hiding somewhere inside me. When I am weak, she will come back.

I don't want her back. Because when she was here – when I was her – I couldn't recognize myself. It was like looking into a darkened mirror – a dark glass – because I could only see the outline of myself. I couldn't find the strength, the structure inside the lines, and all I wanted was to hear you laugh.

I still do.

I'll keep my head up, though. I will become a teacher at the academy. I will find young boys and girls with talent like yours, and I will make sure they never meet your tragic end.

Just so I'll be able to hear you laugh when this is all over.

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**AN: Somehow, I doubt Alexis would be so weak… then again, the death of a loved one can be pretty earth-shattering.**

**My favourite line is the one about the dark glass – I've actually had that line in my head for years, and this was my first chance to use it.**

**589 words.**


	4. Lenalee to Allen

_I Will Be Strong_

**AN: This chapter is long overdue... however, I think you'll find a lot of chapters popping up after this!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**D Gray-man**_**, Katsura Hoshino-sensei does.**

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**I think I told you once before – my loved ones are my entire world. It's like the people dear to me are jigsaw puzzles, and no matter how unlike each other they may seem, they magically fix together to create my life and my world. If even one of the bright spots vanished, the entire illusion – because it's really just that – would fall apart.

Yes, no matter who was lost, my world would collapse. But how badly it collapses – that depends on the particular person. And the loss of you has shattered my illusion beyond repair.

As an exorcist, I shouldn't be able to afford having such lovely, childish fantasies. I dreamed that we'd all end up with our happily ever after, and I dreamed of finally telling you how I felt – how I still feel. I was going to tell you that day, but then... then...

It was supposed to be over! The war was finished, we were all free – the total ecstasy of the victory intoxicated everyone. You remember how Lavi got up on the table and danced, and how Jerry couldn't stop cooking? You remember how Kanda actually shook hands with you? We were just one big mass of happiness that day.

It was too perfect. We should have guessed that something would go wrong, that something would mar the perfect occasion. We just didn't realize how badly we'd be jarred out of our happy little world.

They found you in the hall leading to the library, your throat slit. The Finders suspect suicide. Timcanpy probably has evidence, but no one has been able to find him since then.

Why did you want to end your life, Allen? Was it really that bad, being with us... being a part of our family? Were _we_ that detestable to be around? I always thought you were the most joyous person I'd ever met, even after all the burdens that were placed on your fragile shoulders.

I was numb for a little while. That time didn't last for long. When the intense shock had ebbed, I went insane. I screamed at brother, at Lavi and Bookman and Kanda and _everyone_. Why hadn't they been with you? Why hadn't someone seen what had happened? Why had they let you leave the dining hall alone?

Why did they let you die, Allen? If only...

I sat beside you for two days and two nights. No one had the courage – or the heart, I suppose – to move me. I rested your cold head on my lap and looked down into your small, pale face. The dead do not look peaceful – I've learned that. They look, well, _dead_. And how could death have been peaceful for you? You were so young!

I experienced a variety of dark thoughts during those two lonely nights, Allen. My jigsaw puzzle had come apart spectacularly. My world was broken, scarred with a long wound that could never be healed fully. I didn't know why I wanted to survive.

I realize now that my morbid thoughts were foolish. If I had... ended my life, what would my brother have done without me? Who would deliver coffee to him? Who would laugh at Lavi's lame jokes and who would scold Kanda?

I do not think of myself as so essential to the lives of these people, but I know I would have hurt them terribly. They had already been devastated by your loss, and I certainly didn't want to add more grief to their lives.

So I'll stay here, Allen. And once in a while, I'll get up at night and move out of my apartment block, to roam the corridors of the now-abandoned Headquarters – the halls where you once walked, and lived, and dreamed.

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**AN: 625 words. Poor Allen. D:**


	5. InuYasha to Kagome

_I Will Be Strong_

**AN: Yep, another one!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**InuYasha**_**. That belongs to Rumiko Takahashi.**

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**I knew you'd have to die one day.

Despite the rumours that circulate, demons and half-demons do not have the power to extend their mates' lives. That is why demons strive against taking a mortal for a mate – because we mate for life, and it is a lonely life when you are without love.

We had some pretty good years, didn't we, my love? We were free of petty jealousies and gory battles. Free to live our lives as peacefully as possible. Those fifty years were the best years of my life, Kagome. I will never forget them, not even when the rest of my memories haze over and are lost in the emptiness of my mind.

My last sight of you was painful and tender at the same time. You looked old, so old – with your snow-white hair and your wrinkled face. I know you often laughed and told us that our hair finally matched, but I also know that you secretly wept when a passing traveller mistook you for my grandmother. You were never good at hiding your tears, Kagome.

When you lifted your trembling, knotted hand, I had no idea what you were going to do. So when you grasped at the beads around my neck and lifted them off, I was stunned beyond belief. You hadn't used those beads on me in thirty years or more, but they were a part of me. I was _angry_ at you for taking them away – you were taking yourself out of my life, so the least you could do was let me keep a solid link to you.

I heard your last heartbeat not long after, and I knew you were gone. Miroku had passed on the previous summer, as you remember, and Sango came to console me. We both sat there, two lonely lovers without our better halves.

I brooded over the situation for a long time afterwards. I tried to live my life normally, but everywhere I went, I was reminded of you. I caught your faint scent in places we'd visited together, and saw glimpses of your black hair out of the corners of my eyes. You haunted me constantly, and it nearly drove me crazy. I finally reached a point when I decided I wanted nothing to do with the world anymore.

I wanted to die. I wanted to be with you, because ever since you'd come into my life, I'd hardly been without you. My life made no sense without you there.

Then Saki, our youngest daughter, gave birth to her firstborn. And I remembered all the people I had to live for. When I looked into young Shun's face, I couldn't bring myself to end my life.

Maybe I'm a coward. Maybe I'm just smarter than I used to be.

I miss you like hell, Kagome. I will miss you for every single day of my life, but I have to go on.

I hope you can forgive me. I'll never love another.

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**AN: A perfect 500 words. (:**


	6. Zero to Yuki

_I Will Be Strong_

**AN: One more after this, and then I'm done for the day.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Vampire Knight**_**. Matsuri Hino-sensei does.**

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**You have been dead to me for a long time, Yuki Cross. Ever since you left Cross Academy, in fact. Ever since you showed your true colours and betrayed my trust.

My thoughts are not logical, I know. But you were the one person who knew how fiercely I loathe vampires... although I know you had no choice in the matter, it seemed as if you'd purposefully made yourself into my enemy. I didn't want that. It weakened my resolve too much – I couldn't bear the thought of hurting you. So I pretended. I pretended Yuki Cross was dead, that Yuki Kuran didn't exist, and I was moderately content for a while.

Until I came face-to-face with you once more. I could no longer deny your existence, and that, coupled with my growing hatred for purebloods, almost sent me over the edge. I was torn, torn between hating you with my very being and loving you with the same.

But, I digress... the point is, you aren't dead to just me anymore. No, Yuki – you are well and truly gone, your pale face devoid of any form of life, your brown eyes shut and your clammy hands unable to grasp at anything.

And you know what the craziest thing is? _I did it._ I was the one who ended your life.

You probably didn't even see me. I don't know what I was thinking. I only know that I was frustrated, so frustrated with your doll-like exterior and my inability to communicate with you. I wanted to talk to you and resolve everything, to tell you about my confused feelings of hate and love. But I couldn't get close to you. Either Kuran blocked my way, or you yourself took yourself further away from me.

I was tired of it all. And I think I figured, if I can't have you, I don't want _anyone _to have you.

Oh, yes, I'm quite the selfish bastard, Yuki. I'm sure you knew that already.

It was so simple. You'd withdrawn to your chambers. I slipped in with your ridiculously-attired fiancé, and before either of you could react, I took out the Bloody Rose and I shot you in the heart.

I was actually counting on Kuran killing me after that. I didn't want to live – subconsciously, as I was mulling over the thought of ending your life, I knew I would follow you soon after. I wasn't interested in existing anymore. I was tired, so tired, and when I pressed the trigger, I was waiting for Kuran to leap at me.

He didn't. He stood there, in shock, and he didn't move for about ten minutes. You crumpled to the floor when my bullet hit you – your long hair pooled around your body, and your eyes were wide and glassy. Kuran's eyes were glassy, too, until he finally pulled himself together and turned to me.

Instead of rage, or purposefulness, I saw only a great sadness in his gaze. He _pitied_ me. And the stupid thing was, I pitied myself, too.

I was fully prepared to take the Bloody Rose and press the muzzle against my own forehead. I'm not afraid to take my own life – I've tried to do so quite a few times. More times than necessary, really. But when Kuran left the room, left me alone with your ashes – because you'd dissolved into ashes by then – I had to wait. I couldn't go without saying my last goodbye to you.

I have longed for you for some time now, Yuki. I won't say 'love', not now – because I hungered, I _thirsted_ for your blood. I didn't love you, I wanted you. That's what a Level E does, isn't it?

But I did love you, too, Yuki. So much that I was more than happy to silence myself after killing you. Then again, that doesn't say much, I suppose... but I did love you. I still do.

I picked up your ashes and poured them into a square of cloth I tore from my shirt. When I pocketed your remains, I knew I couldn't be cowardly and take the easy way out. I couldn't die, merely because I knew you would be furious at me for giving up.

Maybe it's just wishful thinking. After all, who's to say that you don't hate me for killing you? But I think you understand, at least a little. I think you know what was going through my head that night, and although I know you're not happy, I can at least imagine the small, forgiving smile on your face.

I'm so sorry.

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**AN: 769 words... I think this is my longest. No idea if I did Zero's angsty nature justice, but eh.**

**Notice that no one's died the same way yet? ;)**


	7. Winry to Edward

_I Will Be Strong_

**AN: Last one for now!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own **_**Fullmetal Alchemist**_**, Hiromu Arakawa-sensei does.**

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**That day, when you were about to embark on your greatest journey yet, I didn't expect a sentimental goodbye. I thought we'd already said what we needed to, so when you turned to me and told me to keep an apple pie warm for you, I was stunned.

I baked that apple pie the evening you left, and I kept it warm in the oven. I never took it out, not even when it spoiled and fell apart. I kept it there until you and Al finally came home, and then I buried it in the backyard, under one of the soaring trees. I can be quite sentimental when I want to be.

After that, a small part of my mind believed that your words and that pie brought you home. I believed, in my heart of hearts, that baking an apple pie and keeping it warm would keep you safe from harm. Which is why I wish I'd baked a hundred... a thousand... a million. Enough to keep you safe for the rest of your life.

When you both came home, I was so happy that I cried. That was what you wanted, right? And when you asked me to marry you... that was the happiest moment in my life, Edward. Thank you for asking me, for tying us together so intimately. I didn't... until that moment, I was never sure if you felt the same way.

I'd dreamed up a thousand different scenarios of the 'Promised Day'. Quite a few of them involved you and Al dying. It scared me, but when you returned, I didn't think there would be any more danger. I thought it was all over. I thought we were safe.

I was wrong.

It didn't start out as much, did it? You complained of a headache, and I scolded you for reading in dim lighting. We arranged for a visit to the optometrist in Central. You started getting cranky about how much you'd look like your dad. I teased you, and you eventually laughed along.

It just got worse and worse, though, and finally, I came home from the market to find you sprawled across the floor. Your books had fallen as well, and pages were scattered around the room.

My heart jumped into my throat, and I dropped everything to kneel beside you. I blindly grasped for your hand, but it was cold – so cold! Your eyes were shut, your chest still, and my heart broke.

It was the same illness that killed your mother. After all these years, after all those times you evaded danger and death, you finally succumbed in the one place I thought you were free from harm.

Al was devastated. Your dad had died in the final battle, you'd told me, and so poor Al was all alone. He came over often, seeking solace in our home. He found none.

I was frozen, Edward. I was like that broken silver watch of yours – I refused to move on. I sat on the bed we'd shared and stared at the bedroom wall, staying motionless for hours. Then, one day, the urge to go to the bathroom was too bad. I began feeling oddly chipper at times, and completely desolate at others. I soon discovered I was pregnant.

During those frozen times, I'd thought of ending my life. I _wanted_ to kill myself. Granny was gone, and although Al would have been badly affected, he would have moved on. I wanted to be with you so badly... I wanted to close my eyes and just fall, so I could fall into your arms. I'm afraid to say I was embarrassingly weepy and morbid during those days.

But life goes on. And I couldn't abandon the life that was growing inside of me. I'm happy I didn't give up on myself, Ed, because I know you're happy, too. Killing myself wouldn't have been the answer. The first few months without you were hard, they were almost impossible, but I survived them. And although I still miss you, it's a more comfortable ache now.

Little Thomas... he has your eyes.

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**AN: 687 words. The irony of Ed or Al dying of the same disease as Trisha did is overdone, I know, but eh.**


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